If you’ve ever set out on a healthy eating, exercise, or money-saving streak only to find yourself consumed with destructive thoughts that stop you in your tracks, chances are good that you’re engaging in self-sabotage even if you haven’t realised it yet. We all do it from time to time, but there are ways to recognise it and avoid its negative consequences.
This puzzling behaviour has been studied extensively by psychologists, but little is actually known about why we do it, and why some of us tend to self-sabotage more often than others.
This article explores some of the most common reasons we self-sabotage ourselves, and gives you tips on how to prevent yourself from doing so in the future.
What is self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage is an unconscious act of self-harm that occurs when we're too afraid, lazy, or unmotivated to take the risks necessary for reaching our goals. It can be as small as procrastinating on studying for a test, or as large as sabotaging a job interview by showing up late.
Why do we self-sabotage?
We self-sabotage because we're trying to protect ourselves from something painful. Whether it's abandonment, criticism, or failure, we do things that make us feel bad in order to protect our feelings. The problem is that this self-sabotaging behaviour never solves the underlying issue and often worsens it. When you stop your self-sabotaging behaviour, you give yourself a chance to heal and change.
The consequences of self-sabotage
Self-sabotaging can have devastating effects on your life and relationships. Studies show that self-saboteurs are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and social isolation. When you're not living the life you want, it's hard to find joy in anything. All of these conditions make it easy for you to succumb to the temptation of self-sabotage. Yet even though the consequences of self-sabotage can be painful, people still do it anyway. Why? Because they don't know any better. That’s why I wanted to write this post, to help people understand what they’re doing and how they might stop before things get worse than they already are!
How to stop self-sabotaging behaviour
Recognise the triggers What are the things that make you want to give up and what do they remind you of? Write them down, because it can be difficult to notice these triggers while they're happening. For example, if you feel like quitting when you start working on a new project because it's different from what you're used to and reminds you of how hard your last project was, then starting over might be one of your triggers.
Practice self-compassion When you see yourself sabotaging, ask yourself: What would someone who loves me tell me right now? Chances are they would say something supportive or encouraging, not hurtful.
Talk to people who care about you It can help tremendously to share your struggles with friends or family members who will listen without judgement, or find an online community of other people struggling with similar issues. You don't have to go through this alone!
Take time for yourself every day Asking yourself what you need, physically, emotionally and spiritually, helps combat feelings of exhaustion and defeat that may lead to self-sabotage. Be gentle with yourself.
Don’t be afraid Step outside your comfort zone, and you’ll be surprised by what may happen.
Keep reminding yourself why you are worth it There is a lot in life we can’t control, but we can take care of ourselves as best we can, that's our job!
Recognise the signs and shut down that negative fearful self-sabotaging behaviour. You can and deserve to do anything.
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